Monday, December 17, 2007

FAT SAL'S & PUMPKIN'S ANNUAL [RECYCLED] CHRISTMAS POEM.


T’was the night before Christmas
And all throughout Spain
Towns were dry, scorched and dusty
Another year without rain.

Water bottles were placed
By the doorstep with care
Although nobody seems to know
Why they’re put there.

The Spaniards were nestled
All snug in their beds
A day’s intake of brandy
Left dull pains in their heads.

I sat at my Apple
Filled with dread; feeling blue
Yet another damn holiday
With NOTHING to do.

When outside the house
There arose such a clatter
Could it be those damn goats?
Spreading more fecal matter?

I ran to the window
Threw open the pane
T’was a man dressed in red
With a bushy, white mane.

He said, “My name is Santa”
“And I’m ready to scream!”
He seemed to be suffering
From low self-esteem.

He said, “The children of Spain”
“Don’t give a hoot about me!”
“They only want those Three Wise Men”
“I feel as small as a flea.”

I said, “Calm down, my friend”
“There’s no reason to bleed”
“A little re-branding”
“Is all that you need.”

I put my hand on his shoulder
And gave it a pet
And said, “I’ll go fetch my razor”
“Drink some chilled Freixinet.”

With a wave of my hand
And some shave cream to match
I trimmed his beard down
To a funky soul patch.

Then we drove to Madrid
To meet a biker I knew
I said, “My friend here’s in need of”
“A “Keep on Truckin’” tatoo."

A half hour later
His bicep was glowing
He looked in the mirror
And his face seemed all-knowing.

With a confident swagger
He walked into a park
And seized children’s attention
With a loud, mighty bark.

He said, “Listen up children!”
“Or I’ll give you a punch!”
“The fat man’s in town!”
“He eats Wise Men for lunch!”

The children were frightened
Yet they thought he seemed cool
Then they sat on his knees
As he sat on a stool.

With eyes like milk-saucers
Kids looked up to his face
“I’ll bet you’ve dated Madonna”
“And even got to third base!”

When the children disbanded
He wore a Cheshire Cat-grin
“So it’s true that it’s marketing”
“That makes the world spin.”

Then he rose to his feet
Donned Armani sunglasses
He puffed out his chest
And turned his back to the masses.

With a newly-found vigor
He hopped into his sleigh
And said, “From this day forward”
“Spain does Christmas *my* way.”

“There’ll be no more Roscón!”
“No more Wise Men parades!”
“The *true* Christmas ‘El Gordo’ ”
“Stands before you in shades.”

As he flew out of sight
I swear I heard him squeal
“Merry Christmas to all!”
“And to Sal...a BOOK DEAL!”

6 Comments:

At 5:39 PM, Blogger Trac said...

Ooooh you are clever! :O)

x

 
At 8:44 PM, Blogger Angie said...

Merry Christmas! I hope you don't forget the little people* when Santa brings you that book deal!

*You know the little people I mean: Toiling away writing their little stories, keeping long hours and making low pay, who would rather be editing their friend's book... or doing his publicity... or designing his cover art...
(For example!)

 
At 2:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Sal,
Just stopping by to let you know your Nonnie's Pusty Recipe is fabulous. My daughter is wild about Italian pastry - can't get enough. She asked me to make pusties (we live near Utica, so she has had them). Not wanting to distroy her illusion that I can do anything and everything, I went online to find a recipe. Picked up the tins at Flihans. We made 12 today and put 1/2 the dough and filling in the fridge to make another batch tomorrow. Thanks so much for sharing the recipe! Merry Christmas.
Laura

 
At 3:47 PM, Blogger christina said...

A big fat Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours, Sal! 2008 should be an interesting year for all of you...

 
At 3:22 AM, Blogger Trac said...

Merry Christmas Sal! x
(I'm rather hoping the time difference means I have got this here in time!? - Of course that rather depends on where you are?)

 
At 3:09 PM, Anonymous Kath said...

Happy New Year, Sal (& Pumpkin)!!! Let me know how the big move goes/is going....

 

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