SPAIN SHALL REMAIN A SMOKE-FREE ZONE.

Last week, I posted an email that I sent to Weber® BBQ’s Customer Support department.

My email concerned Weber’s Smokey Mountain Cooker—a trash can-like contraption that is used for smoking brisket, pork butt, ribs, and anything else that can be slathered with BBQ sauce and served on a slice of Wonder® bread.

I had recently discovered—to my horror!—that the Smokey Mountain Cooker is not sold in Spain. And after exhausting all avenues for resolution on this side of the Atlantic (i.e., bribery, threats and public weeping), I dispatched a last-ditch plea for compassion directly to Weber’s corporate headquarters in Palatine, Illinois (USA).

Here is Weber’s response:

Hello Sal,

Thank you for your email. Sorry, about your situation in trying to obtain a Smokey Mountain. WE do not sell grills directly to consumers nor ship outside the United States. Perhaps Amazon can accommodate or you may need to have someone in the U.S. purchase one and ship it to you. Sorry…

If you require further assistance please let me know.

Sincerely,
Weber Customer Support

Perhaps I was naïve in thinking that my wittily tear-jerking email might have persuaded Weber to FedEx me a complimentary Smokey Mountain Cooker as a gesture of international goodwill. Yeah…definitely naïve.

On the positive side, however, at least they tried to offer a few suggestions. If this had been the Customer Support department of a Spanish company, they would’ve informed that theirs is not the correct department for my inquiry…and promptly passed me to a Berber-speaking subcontractor sitting at a lonely outpost in rural Tunisia.

And what of those suggestions? Well…I thought about the Amazon option long ago. They do sell Smokey Mountain Cookers on-line (and at a great price), but don’t ship them outside the US.

As for the other suggestion, I won’t need to bother friends or family with this trivial matter. Why? Because I will be visiting Chicago in the near future and can coordinate the logistics personally—assuming, of course, that I’m able to repress my natural tendency toward being a compulsive cheapskate. My first thought was to buy a Smokey Mountain Cooker in Chicago and bring it with me on the flight home, but common sense prevailed. I really don’t want to explain to security personnel why I’m walking through O’Hare International Airport carry 47 lbs. of tubular-shaped, black sheet metal.

So…my fate as Spain’s foremost (and only!) BBQ pit-master will be in the hands of the US Postal Service…and then, the Spanish Postal Service.

Two national Postal Services?

Perhaps baked chicken breast on a slice of Wonder® bread doesn’t sound so bad after all.