WHERE’S SALDO?

I’m right here. In Spain. But this time, I’m not lying.

Before I begin an admittedly feeble attempt to justify my absence from Blogland, let me apologize to my good friends La Familia Big Finn and Lady “No Longer on the Market” Di—all of whom sought to determine my whereabouts with a tenacity that hasn’t been seen since “Rambo 2.”

So, where have I been all this time? I was in Chicago until yesterday morning.

“But...but...you told us last week that you had returned from Chicago...well, last week.”

That’s right. I lied.

I wanted to post something on the VTB last week, but didn’t want to tell all those Nigerians who keep sending me emails that the contents of my house would be available for an unobstructed, week-long harvest. So...I used the miracle of the Internet to spread a bit of false information. And why not? Everyone else does it.

“So...you DID have access to a computer in Chicago, but still chose to post almost nothing for three weeks?”

That’s right. I’m lazy.

Plus, my brain and energies have been tugged into other parts of the stratosphere lately. But hey...that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you all. Seriously! I don’t not love you all at all.

But enough of that. The tiny flame of creativity in my head is starting to flicker again, so let’s use it before I get distracted by something important...like sumo wrestling on Eurosport.

- WHAT DID YOU DO IN CHICAGO FOR THREE WEEKS?: I spent one week hanging out, the second week working at Acme Low Carb Tongue Depressors, Inc. and the last week hanging out some more.

- HOW DO YOU DEFINE “HANGING OUT?”: Well...I visited a bunch of old friends that I hadn’t seen in years, ate a lot of spicy ethnic foods that Spaniards wouldn't like, and drank Starbuck's Coffee. A lot of Starbuck's coffee.

- HOW DO YOU DEFINE “A LOT OF STARBUCK'S COFFEE?”: Let’s just say that, on one particular day, I nearly equalled Jimmy Stewart’s performance in “Vertigo.” People as naturally-wired as I am have no business drinking Starbuck’s coffee—no matter how bloody good that stuff tastes on ice.

- WHICH WAS THE BEST MEAL YOU HAD?: It depends how you define “best.” In one sense, the best meal I had was baked goat cheese and mini filet mignon sandwiches at Hugo’s Frog Bar in Naperville. In another sense, the best meal I had was take-out Thai food with a bottle of Bierzo wine.

- WHAT?! NO BBQ?: Nope. I had no BBQ on this trip. Nor did I have any Cajun. But I did have Indian at least forty seven times. Sorry Mrs. TBF, but I missed out on that combo sammich. But there’s always next time.

- SO, WHEN ARE YOU GOING BACK? Pretty soon. Although not soon enough.

- ANY PARTING THOUGHTS: Yes. Congrats to Lady Di and Gert. BTW...looooove your shoes!