AND LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPLATE-TATION.

In my job at a major telecom equipment provider who’s name – creatively enough – starts with the prefix “Tel,” I am known as “The Template Guru.” At least, that’s what they call me to my face.

And hey…I’m not ashamed to admit it. I LOVE templates. Or put another way, I HATE to work inefficiently.

The rate at which I create and use templates in my job might be classified as “compulsive” by some psychologists. If this type of behavior is indeed a mental illness, then I would suspect that my boss and co-workers are happy that I suffer from it.

It should therefore come as no surprise that when friends of mine created their own blogs…yet failed to update them more than once per cicada cycle, I felt the need to intervene. And what better way to intervene than by creating…

THE ULTIMATE LAZY-ASS BLOGGER TEMPLATE!

Dear Blog readers:

Let me tell you about the day I’ve had.

When I woke up at ___ this morning, the weather was ___. I worked for a few hours and, in need of a midday break, decided to walk to my favorite bar, “_____.” But it was very crowded, so I turned around and went to “_____,” which was just a few doors down. I ordered a glass of ____ and a couple plates of _____. The ____ were fresh and crispy, although the ____ were a tad salty for my palate.

Suddenly I heard a rumble at the door. I turned my head to look. You'll never guess who walked in! It was ______, star of the hit TV series _____. I was so flustered that I nearly dropped my ____ on the floor.

Well, you can imagine my shock when he/she walked directly to me and asked for a ______. I rifled through my pockets, but couldn't find one. I started to panic. How could I possible fail a big star like ____ in such a simple request?!

Then I had an idea. Instead of giving him/her a ____ as he/she requested, I'll give him/her a _______. It was a brilliant display of thinking on my feet! So I confidently extended my hand and handed him/her the ____.

At first there was a look of intense surprize on his/her face. Then he/she reached over, put his/her hand on my shoulder, and whispered the following in my ear: "___________."

We both giggled and blushed. Suddenly, he/she handed me a folded note. "Don't read it until I've left," he/she said sternly. Then he/she turned on his/her heel, and walked toward the door. Pausing at the doorway, he/she turned his/her head and nodded.

I unfurled the note. My elbows jerked straight and my shorthairs stood on end. I couldn't believe what I was reading. It said "_____________________."

And that, my friends, was the day I had today. Check in tomorrow for a new post.

There you have it. From this day forward, neither busy-ness nor laziness shall be an acceptable excuse for blog neglect. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, yes. Shingles, perhaps. But busy-ness or laziness…no, no, no.