A VISIT FROM THE IRISH COCONUT FAIRY.

The doorbell rang yesterday and there, again, was the smiling face of my DHL guy. He was holding two large boxes.

“Anders?” was my first thought.

But that seemed unlikely, since my 2006 Oktoberfest care-package had already been received, devoured and the bottles recycled.

I signed for the delivery, brought the boxes upstairs and tore them open. They were, in fact, from my Irish friend, Kathleen (a.k.a., Lisa Marie).

And when I saw the contents, my head spun. My hands trembled. And my tongue? Well...let’s just say that “The Salivator” no longer applies just to my smoker.

And what, you may be wondering, were in these two boxes?

Well...one contained a plastic bag with six hundred (600!) Irish tea bags. That’s enough tea for three months!

The other box contained...COCONUT!!!

The most mind-blowing array of highly-processed, intensely-sugared vehicles for COCONUT that I had ever laid eyes on! It was absolutely stunning. This crazy Irish chick must’ve cleaned-out the entire COCONUT aisle at Tesco’s!

Here's a precise inventory of my blessed booty:

COCONUT Bars: Crispy little wafers covered with milk chocolate and shredded COCONUT!

COCONUT Tarts: Imagine big, spongy, cakey, COCONUT-infused hockey pucks dusted with powdered sugar. Definitely a no-no before jogging...but I just can't resist.

COCONUT Creams: A vanilla cookie, glued to a heaping mound of marshmallow and topped with shredded COCONUT. Kath was kind enough to buy a promotional package containing “5 Extra Biscuits Free.”

COCONUT Snowballs: Ohhhhhh, mama! Imagine an igloo of marshmallow, covered with milk chocolate and sprinkled with shredded COCONUT. No gratuitous cookie in this masterpiece. Just a mouthful of fluff, chocolate and COCONUT.

[In case you’re wondering, yes...I *am* eating each of these as I type. I’ll definitely need to vacuum my keyboard when this is over.]

COCONUT Macaroons: The Queen Mother of COCONUT cookies. Weighing approximately one kilo each...these are moist, mountainous, toasted-COCONUT cookies with a layer of dark chocolate across the bottom and stripes of dark-chocolate drizzled across the top. Kath, in her infinite foresight, sent me TWO packages of these!

COCONUT Bounty Bars (Minis): The two greatest US candy bars are Almond Joys and Mounds. But each have a flaw. Almond Joys are moist bars of COCONUT covered with milk chocolate, yet some marketing genius sabotaged the effort by tossing in an almond. Mounds, on the other hand, has no almond...but that same marketing bastard replaced milk chocolate with dark. But alas, Bounty Bars got it right—COCONUT, milk chocolate and no almond. But, Kath... “Minis?!!!” What on earth were you thinking?

COCONUT Polos: These are described as “Traditional golden COCONUT biscuits.” Mmmmm...imagine a flat, crunchy butter cookie larded with COCONUT! Undoubtedly, the preferred COCONUT cookie of Queen Elizabeth. And finally...

The Original COCONUT Quadratini: This is, quite simply, the classic multi-layered vanilla wafer and COCONUT cream cookie that we all ate (and some of us loved) as kids. You know...it’s that cookie with the cross-hatched pattern on the wafer.

Wow! Talk about the stuff of teenaged dreams. And do you know what's the best part?

It’s Friday. I have an inventory of COCONUT cookies that resembles that government warehouse in the last scene of "Raiders of the Lost Ark." And I have *six hundred* tea bags.

Yes, yes, yes...I have big plans for this weekend—and those plans don’t involve sleep.