Friday, October 20, 2006

A VISIT FROM THE IRISH COCONUT FAIRY.



The doorbell rang yesterday and there, again, was the smiling face of my DHL guy. He was holding two large boxes.

Anders?” was my first thought.

But that seemed unlikely, since my 2006 Oktoberfest care-package had already been received, devoured and the bottles recycled.

I signed for the delivery, brought the boxes upstairs and tore them open. They were, in fact, from my Irish friend, Kathleen (a.k.a., Lisa Marie).

And when I saw the contents, my head spun. My hands trembled. And my tongue? Well...let’s just say that “The Salivator” no longer applies just to my smoker.

And what, you may be wondering, were in these two boxes?

Well...one contained a plastic bag with six hundred (600!) Irish tea bags. That’s enough tea for three months!

The other box contained...COCONUT!!!

The most mind-blowing array of highly-processed, intensely-sugared vehicles for COCONUT that I had ever laid eyes on! It was absolutely stunning. This crazy Irish chick must’ve cleaned-out the entire COCONUT aisle at Tesco’s!

Here's a precise inventory of my blessed booty:


COCONUT Bars: Crispy little wafers covered with milk chocolate and shredded COCONUT!

COCONUT Tarts: Imagine big, spongy, cakey, COCONUT-infused hockey pucks dusted with powdered sugar. Definitely a no-no before jogging...but I just can't resist.

COCONUT Creams: A vanilla cookie, glued to a heaping mound of marshmallow and topped with shredded COCONUT. Kath was kind enough to buy a promotional package containing “5 Extra Biscuits Free.”

COCONUT Snowballs: Ohhhhhh, mama! Imagine an igloo of marshmallow, covered with milk chocolate and sprinkled with shredded COCONUT. No gratuitous cookie in this masterpiece. Just a mouthful of fluff, chocolate and COCONUT.

[In case you’re wondering, yes...I *am* eating each of these as I type. I’ll definitely need to vacuum my keyboard when this is over.]

COCONUT Macaroons: The Queen Mother of COCONUT cookies. Weighing approximately one kilo each...these are moist, mountainous, toasted-COCONUT cookies with a layer of dark chocolate across the bottom and stripes of dark-chocolate drizzled across the top. Kath, in her infinite foresight, sent me TWO packages of these!

COCONUT Bounty Bars (Minis): The two greatest US candy bars are Almond Joys and Mounds. But each have a flaw. Almond Joys are moist bars of COCONUT covered with milk chocolate, yet some marketing genius sabotaged the effort by tossing in an almond. Mounds, on the other hand, has no almond...but that same marketing bastard replaced milk chocolate with dark. But alas, Bounty Bars got it right—COCONUT, milk chocolate and no almond. But, Kath... “Minis?!!!” What on earth were you thinking?

COCONUT Polos: These are described as “Traditional golden COCONUT biscuits.” Mmmmm...imagine a flat, crunchy butter cookie larded with COCONUT! Undoubtedly, the preferred COCONUT cookie of Queen Elizabeth. And finally...

The Original COCONUT Quadratini: This is, quite simply, the classic multi-layered vanilla wafer and COCONUT cream cookie that we all ate (and some of us loved) as kids. You know...it’s that cookie with the cross-hatched pattern on the wafer.



Wow! Talk about the stuff of teenaged dreams. And do you know what's the best part?

It’s Friday. I have an inventory of COCONUT cookies that resembles that government warehouse in the last scene of "Raiders of the Lost Ark." And I have *six hundred* tea bags.

Yes, yes, yes...I have big plans for this weekend—and those plans don’t involve sleep.

22 Comments:

At 1:27 PM, Blogger Ms Mac said...

I have tea bag envy.

 
At 2:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coconut Tart?

Sounds like your ideal woman!

 
At 6:47 PM, Blogger Kurt said...

Coconut Tart! hehe.

It's just about Girl Scout cookie drive time here in the States. Do you guys have access to Girl Scout Cookies over there in Europe? Cuz I'm gonna be eating some of the best cookies on the planet soon...Samoas! Those Tagalongs come in a close second though :)

 
At 8:23 PM, Blogger Sal DeTraglia said...

Ms. Mac: No problem on the tea bags. But don't even think about touching my COCONUT cookies.

Trac: Spoken like a true Brit, my friend. I learned the word "tart" from Benny Hill when I was eleven. I've finally found a use for it.

Kurt: I've never seen a Girl Scout in these here parts. I'm with you on the Samoas, however. They go great with Scrapple.

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger Pam said...

Luau at Sal's place! Woot woot!

 
At 9:09 PM, Anonymous trac said...

hahaha - Kurt! Good link! :O)

 
At 7:56 PM, Blogger Kurt said...

I didn't go to culinary school, but I can't imagine the chocolate and caramel of the cookie bringing out the best of the scrapple hehe. How about a Scrapple and Rice omelet, with something Thanksgiving themed instead, oh I dunno, maybe a pumpkin & coconut sauce?

Or just the sauce spooned over linguini :)

 
At 8:07 AM, Anonymous Calamity Tat said...

Wow what wonderful goodies for a coco-nutty like yourself...I found myself looking at coconut chocs in the spermarket the other day...I'm haunted..

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger lettuce said...

just popped in to see what all this coconuttery is about.

hahahahhahahahahahhahahaha

 
At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes Tat - me too! They're everywhere these little babies... Even my kids are obsessed with coconuts now!

Oh Sal... what have you done to us? So you've got Spain, France, Britain and Ireland (at least) obsessed...

You're slowly taking over the world....
:O)
x

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger christina said...

Well, if we had to pick someone to take over the world, wouldn't Sal be the #1 choice? :-)

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger Sal DeTraglia said...

I don't necessarily need to take-over the entire world. Just its vineyards and COCONUT trees.

And, perhaps, the Toblerone chocolate factory.

And Katz's Deli in New York.

And...oh, hell! I guess I will just take-over the whole damn thing.

The world is mine! Now, say 'ello to my leetle friend!!!

 
At 2:16 PM, Blogger Angie said...

Wheeeeeeeeee! Candy for everyone!

 
At 3:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, I'm up for you Sal taking over the world...

I need not worry, for you know that even a dictator knows better than to cross me! :O)

(still the funniest thing I've ever read on a blog! - hahaha)

 
At 4:47 PM, Anonymous Kath said...

Heh heh heh - Sal take over the world..... It's Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.....

 
At 8:05 PM, Blogger Calamity Tat said...

sal sal, oh joy oh rapture, I've found your theme tune, pop on over to my place for a butchers....

 
At 8:17 PM, Blogger Sal DeTraglia said...

Tat!

That was fabulous! Kid Creole and COCONUTS. I remember when they were the musical guest on Saturday Night Live in the early 1980's.

And the name--Kid Creole and the COCONUTS--pays hommage to The King (Trac is happy) and also to The King of the Fruits (Sal is happy).

Everybody is happy. And best of all, I have a new theme song...which is good, because I was getting a bit tired of "I'm a Little Teapot."

 
At 11:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha... This is a bit strange, but I once bumped into Kid Creole himself.... oh it's a long story, but anyway... he was a delightful person to have a little natter to!

Plus he has coconuts! :O)

I think he should be def up for a top job when you've taken over the world Sal!

p.s. I also thought of him earlier because to me, he has a link to Queen...(as I discovered them both in the same place by accident) who I posted today!:O)

It's a small, little coconutty world sometimes... :O)
x

 
At 11:21 PM, Blogger Kath said...

We've all gone a bit cocoNUTS... Pop over to blah blah blah when you get a chance!

 
At 12:51 PM, Anonymous Sid's mum said...

Sid has just found this website and for some reason I thought I'd tell you!

http://cartoons.peekvid.com/

It has 17 episodes of 2 Stupid Dogs, 20x Ren and Stimpy, loads of Simpsons and B&B!!! Oh I could go on...
:O)

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

I knew you loved coconut, but I wasn't aware that you were that much of a sweet tooth. So you like Toblerone?? Funny that we just shared this huge (must have been about 500 gr.!!) Toblerone at the office today! Coincidence?? ;-)

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger Sal DeTraglia said...

Sid & Mum: Wow! Ren & Stimpy...AND SpongBob SquarePants!!!! That's a bookmark.

Boy-oh-boy...I can't wait till my daughter goes to bed. It may be a very late night for me.

C-Swiss: Yeah...I'm a big fan a chocolate; especially chocolate as good as Toblerone. You can keep your Swiss watches. I'll take the Toblerone.

 

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